Frazzled to Fantastic

Bear with me. It was a long but well worth-it day!

11:15 AM

I left the Habitat for Humanity of Denver Metro office, excited and encouraged by the meeting Juan and I had had with the Faith Relations Director and the Neighborhood Revitilization Director. Prior to the meeting, I didn't know much about Habitat except for the fact that they built basic frame houses for the poor and that these houses were built by volunteers. I've never entertained the idea of helping build a home. I've avoided work-focused mission trips for years, not because I didn't think they were a good ministry, but because I am not skilled in labor tasks and I hate doing those tasks. During the meeting, I listened to these women talk about how God's love is manifested in a hammer on a worksite, and about the relationships that are built as a volunteers and families work together to build a house. Wow! Their heart, vision and mission impacted me so much that for the first time in my life I want to help build a house! Habitat here I come!

Habitat is currently working on a neighborhood revitilization in Globeville, one of Providence's nine neighborhoods. We are in conversation with them to see how we can collaborate to serve our neighbors, spread the Gospel and glorify the Lord!

11:17  AM

Feeling very happy, I looked down at my phone to check my text messages and missed calls. Immediately my mood changed. I had like 7 texts.

11:30 AM

My blood pressure started rising. In the last ten minutes, I realized how much work I need to get done before my flight on Wednesday. I had anticipated to get caught up on emails, do some administrative tasks, be semi-invovled with the Mission Denver team but I didn't anticipate it to be hectic. I started to worry about how I would get it all done. I picked up my speed and got to ECC as soon as I could.  In this short ten minute drive, I was given two more spontaneous assignments via phone calls.

12:30 PM

It was past my lunch time. I was getting sleepy and extremely hungry. Although I was encouraged by the life stories of the 7 Mission Denver team members from Greenville, I wanted the conversation to end because time was slipping away. I got the shopping list for items that the team needed from Walmart. Blood pressure rose again. Adrenaline started pumping. Tears started welling. I walked upstairs and asked Amy for a hug. I told her how much I hate impromtu tasks but how I know it is just part of working at Prov. She then lead me in some deep breaths and I took off for Walmart.

12:35 PM

I called James. Tears were close to falling. Adrenaline and blood pressure were still on the rise. At the stoplight before 31st curves into MLK, (halfway home from ECC and the frequent place where I get stopped by a red light in one of my phone call downloads on James) I confessed to him that today was my usual "every two weeks" moment of feeling super overwhelmed by my job. He then stated that these are the days that drive me. I scoffed at first but then realized he was completely correct! Those days when I feel like I can't get everything done and when I'm feeling overally emotional usually turn out to be days that energize, fuel and drive me. Through those moments, I end up thriving! Despite my recognition of that truth, I still felt overwhelmed and short-sighted.

1:00 PM

In the toy aisle I came across two other women that had carts full of multiples of various outside toys. I asked them where the kickballs were. They apologized for taking the last one. We commented how we were all shopping for our jobs. This may seem like an insignificant moment to you, but for me it was a precious moment of solidarity in which I connected with women who had a similiar job task as me and who also worked with children. I wasn't alone!

2:00 PM

I arrived at ECC with a trunk full of wiffle ball bats and hula hoops. I was already dreading the multiple trips I would have to take to carry all of the bags in! (I avoid more than one trip even if it means straining my arms and back) When I got out of the car, I greeted a lady walking out of  the Strong Tower door at ECC. I immediatetly felt a warmth and kindness from her smile and greeting. She asked me if I was another mentor at Strong Tower. I told her I was not a mentor but that I did work in the building. We then shook hands and introduced ourselves. She asked me if I'd be at ECC on Thursday (the next time she'd be there for Living Free). I told her that I would be out of town, but that hopefully I'd see her again soon. I pray that I see her again. I felt like God used me to bless and encourage her just through our brief interaction. I'm sure it was great to see another woman since Strong Tower is usually packed with men :)

2:30 PM

A young man standing by the building asked me if I needed help carrying in the Walmart bags. I accepted. He proceeded to load himself up with hula hoops and the majority of the bags. He made a comment about how he was happy to help because men are supposed to be strong and help with those things. He apologized when he couldn't open up the door due to everything he was carrying. I guess chivalry is still alive in the hood! We set the bags down and introduced ourselves. He said he was happy to help us (aka people at ECC) because we have helped him. He inquired about my job and then we parted ways.

2:35 PM

I headed out the door to walk around the corner to the Janz's house to pick-up paperwork. The young man and his friend followed me out the door. I picked up my speed, knowing what was to come. He called after me, apologized if his next comments were inappropriate and then inquired of my age and my relationship status. I told him that I had a fiance. He said he had figured so because he had seen my ring and then asked/stated, "Can I just say that you are f'n goregous?!" I lauged, said "Thanks. Have a good day" and hurried on down the street. I recalled this interaction to James later on and we laughed about it together. It is amazing how on a day when I didn't even try to look attractive nor did I feel attractive, I still got hit on. I think if you talk to any young girl or woman in the hood, they would tell you that getting hit on, usually through inappropriate phrases, is a common occurence. It gets annoying and sometimes makes me feel disgusting; however, despite the inappropriatness of the comment, I smiled because I knew that I didn't look as great as he said, plus I hoped that it was Jesus in me that was gorgeous, even if he didn't realize it. Plus his comment was a reminder that I live in the hood. Sometimes I don't feel like I live in the hood and it discourages me because it was my intent was to live in the hood. The great thing is that those comments don't scare me away or make me want to leave; in fact they do the opposite. Those comments remind me of my own brokenness and the brokeness of my neighbors. When I encounter a lustful man, who doesn't know how to appropriately compliment a woman, I remember the neighborhood boys in our CG; Mekhi, Savieno, Steven, Ragat, Abdili, Xavier and Ezekiel. These boys are a part of my family and I have the opportunity to teach them about Jesus and help raise them to be respectful and caring men who treat women with dignity and love.

2:40 PM

As I was walking out of the Janz's house, a guy doing repairs next door inquired about the ladder that is propped up on the side of the Janz's house and about the work they were doing. He expressed his concern that the ladder and the tools were laying out in the yard, while they (Jason and Jen) were no where in sight. He wanted to warn them that it was not a good idea to leave tools lying out because in this neighborhood people just come up and steal things. I laughed to myself. I tried to convey to him that they were well aware of the neighborhood and their vulnerability to being robbed. He wasn't convinced. I then explained that they chose to live in this neighborhood, that they know their neighbors well and that they serve their neighbors. He gave me a puzzled look and then grumbled about how he's had tools stolen right out of his truck. Although my explanation was gibberish to him and although the Janz's willingness to leave their tools outside seemed foolish to him, it makes total sense to me. The people of Providence have chosen to live in these neighborhoods. Does our stuff sometimes get stolen? Yes. Does God use solidarity and relationships between the rich and poor and the owner and theif for His Gospel purposes and glory? Yes!

2:45 PM

I sat down at my desk, frustrated that nothing on my actual to-do-list was done. I quickly realized nothing on that list would probably be done until tomorrow. I spent the next hour and a half collecting and printing resources for tutoring.

4:15 PM

I left the office, hoping to try and get a nap in as well as a rental application filled out and submitted. (Yes! We think we found a home! More about that another time... Just know that God is so good! I have been praying more fervently for James' and I's first home and God is being faithful to answer my prayers)
The application got filled out. I laid down for 10 minutes and got rest, not sleep.

5:30 PM

I set up the tutoring supplies at Josh and Holly's. Josh and I had a great conversation about our vision and expectations for tutoring on Monday nights. I am very thankful for Josh and Holly's willingness to join me in my efforts. I was encouraged and inspired by the conversation. In a half hour, we had an indepth conversation, I got two phone calls, I got organized and scarfed down a PB&J. I didn't know what to expect for the night, but I was actually looking forward to it. I laid my to-do-list at the feet of tomorrow and did my best to focus on the hour to come.

6:10 PM

9 of the kids arrived. Josh explained the reasons for tutoring and the expectations. Stephen and Ragat were purposefully sat in opposite areas of the house, away from one another and the others. This action alone set the night off to a good start and eliminated chaos. The mission denver team arrived and split themselves up among the kids. For the next hour, I was able to float around the house, checking on each kid's progress. It was wonderful! I was able to direct the team and the kids somewhat clearly. I really enjoyed brief but meaningful moments with the kids as I praised their hardwork and encouraged them to stay focused. As I watched the kids working dilegently with the team, Josh, Holly and I, I saw my vision and heart for Monday night tutoring come alive. I love academics, relationships and kids mingling together- it was an hour of being in my element like the four years I worked at Shepherd!

8:00 PM

I dropped a car load of kids off at the "almost projects" as Purah refers to the apartment complex they live in. The back parking lot was full of people. I always feel intimidated driving into that parking lot because I feel like I don't belong. I feel like I stick out like a white thumb. I'm sure Professor Barbara would remind me that is just my pride speaking. Who am I to think that anyone could care less who I am or that I am white? Thank God for humility! I smiled and waved as I exited; trying to break the ice and the akwardness. It is a process. That parking lot is as hood as it gets around here; which probably means there is a lot of loving and serving that I need to be doing there regardless of the uncomfortableness.

8:15 PM

I shared my story with the mission team. It is amazing how God threads our lives together for His purposes, our good and His glory! I started to realize that today was a wonderful day! I admitted to myself that James was right and the way I was feeling was proof of that.

8:45 PM

I had a conversation with myself about how I needed to blog about today. I started processing and organizing the events in my head. I decided to blog instead of watching tv.

9:30 PM

The girls formed a line to use the upstairs bathroom, while I was making a smoothie because my body has not received a lot of nutrition today. They spotted the note from Brooke on the fridge and inquired about the story. We then went on to all sit on the kitchen floor for story time. I happily reminisced about the drunk girls that stumbled upon our doorstep earlier this winter. It is a timeless story.

10:00 PM

Two of the girls and I remained sitting on the floor. One of them asked about James' and I's story and a lengthy conversation was launched. We talked about falling for guy friends who don't pursue you and all that jazz. They asked for advice, which is extremely humbling to me because I am more and more aware of how much wisdom I lack; however, God is a redemptive God. Out of my own sinful, foolish and trying experiences with relationships, God has given me a voice to speak of His amazing grace, providence, faithfulness, and redemption. I have nothing good in me aside from the Spirit within me. Thank You Jesus! I came alive tonight as I shared my story, opened up the Word of God and ministered to these girls.

Conversations like that totally jazz me and they surprise me too! 6 months ago I never would have thought that part of my ministry in Denver would be to other women. Up until I got engaged and started building genuine relationships with women at Providence, I had avoided relationships with women especially peers. In the past, I saw 99% peer females as competition and therefore, kept most friendships and interactions with them to a miniumum. Tonight I laugh at myself because I was missing out! I love how God changes our hearts and brings us full circle! I want to minister to other women, including my peers! It brings me joy, fullfillment and nourishment! God ministers to me as I minister to them. Wow! Seriously, I can't even express how I'm feeling.

10:37 PM

I texted Amy "I just wanted to tell you that today turned out to be an amazing day!!" I texted Juan, Jason and David, " God is super good to me! Today was great! I am so thankful to be here! Night!"

10:45ish PM

I started writing this post.

12:28

I am bringing this blog entry to an end. I pray that you enjoyed following me through the journey of yesterday (technically it is now a new day!). My to-do-list is bigger than it was since I didn't accomplish any of those tasks and I am exhausted; but I rejoice! I am no longer frazzled! I am overjoyed and grateful for such a fantastic day; a gift from God of exactly what I needed.

Sweetest dreams to you! Keep pressing into Jesus!