Caught
Recently
Jason, one of my pastors, rebuked my poor non-verbal communication, telling me
that I am just as strong a non-verbal communicator as I am a verbal
communicator. Jason praised my positive non-verbal communication; however, he
pointed out that sometimes my non-verbal communication is extremely negative
and is capable of hurting others. He explained that because I process
information so quickly, my face instantly reveals what I am thinking concerning
what is being said, whether good or bad. I responded with a guilty grin, “I know.
Thanks for calling me out.”
My faulty
non-verbal messages are not new to me. For a decade, I have been aware of my
natural instinct to roll my eyes, cross my arms, show all of my emotion on my
face and to not give my undivided attention to others while they are speaking.
I know that I have hurt both loved ones and strangers in the past. I have
acknowledged the problem but I have not yet been able to right my wrongs.
For example,
a few months ago our community group discussion was getting emotionally heated,
personal and tense. My fellow group members were expressing thoughts that I
strongly disagreed with. My listening became limited as my heart brewed with
disagreement. Knowing myself, I
attempted to cover my mouth with my hand as a way to hide my disgust. My plan
backfired. Multiple friends picked up on the fact that I was uncomfortable and
upset. One friend interpreted my actions as me covering my nose from a
foul-smelling fart. Whoops!
Last week I confessed that my words are not saturated in the Gospel because my heart is not. This week I confess that I am often a haughty-eyed, poor listener because of the pride and disdain in my heart.
I cannot
change my facial expressions or body language on my own. It is only through the
sanctifying work of Christ that my facial expressions and body language will
reflect the Gospel.
I confess to
you and to God that my non-verbal communication is often negative and unloving
because of the pride and lack of love for others in my heart. God, please
forgive me. For those of you I have hurt, I am genuinely sorry. In Christ, I am
forgiven and walking in repentance.
Communication
Communication,
both verbal and non-verbal, is a process of hearing, understanding, being heard
and being understood. Non-verbal communication consists of messages that are
communicated, intentionally or unintentionally, without words through facial
expressions and body language. Experts say that 65% or more of all
communication is nonverbal and that nonverbal messages are more powerful than
verbal. If I send a non-verbal message that contradicts the verbal message I
spoke, people will most likely believe the non-verbal over the verbal.[i]
Non-verbal
communication, like verbal, is an overflow of the heart. When I give the silent
treatment, I am communicating that I do not care how the other person feels and
that I am not willing to seek reconciliation. Relational intimacy is
discouraged when I sit motionless, with my arms folded and legs crossed and I
have a blank stare.[ii] The wave of my hand, the shrug of my
shoulders and the roll of my eyes all communicate meaning.[iii]
Connection
to Scripture
As a Christian, I have the
responsibility to discipline myself to lovingly communicate for God’s glory. James 1:19 admonishes believers to be quick to
hear and slow to speak. I can be quick to hear by maintaining eye contact, not
interrupting with eager response, staying attentive and not fidgeting with my
hands, hair or cell phone.
Proverbs
6:17 states that God hates haughty eyes. Haughty eyes communicate pride,
superiority, arrogance, loftiness, self-importance and a high and mighty
attitude. Proverbs 21:4 agrees that haughty eyes and a proud heart are sin.
Haughty eyes are a reflection of inner pride and selfishness. I can put off
haughty eyes by humbling my heart and viewing others with God’s gracious love.
I can discipline myself not to roll my eyes, smirk, or frown and instead gently
smile and nod in response to whoever is talking.
Romans 12:15
teaches to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. I need
to respond with empathy toward the emotions and circumstances of others. In 2 Corinthians, Paul calls the Corinthian
church, “Our letter of recommendation, written on our hearts, to be known and
read by all.” Colossians 4:5 emphasizes conducting ourselves with wisdom toward
outsiders. Positive non-verbal communication will influence successful
instruction and effective testimony.
Richard L. Strauss
writes:
“The only way we can do that is by immersing ourselves in the person of
Jesus Christ, occupying our thoughts with Him and His Word, letting Him capture
our affection, control us completely and live through us. Then the hypocrisy
will be gone and others will know that we are real—our families, friends,
fellow-workers, as well as the unbelievers around us. And they will begin to
believe our words.”[iv]
God has
revealed how the pride and disdain in my heart causes my body language to sin against
Him and others. I confess and I walk in repentance with lowly eyes and ears
tuned to listening.
[i] Winters, Kim.
"Garland House: Discipleship and Non-verbal Communication.” Garland House.
http://garlandhouse.blogspot.com/2007/10/discipleship-and-non-verbal.html
(accessed September 27, 2012).
[ii] Strauss, Richard L.
"Actions Speak Louder Than Words." World's Largest Online Resource
for Biblical Material. http://bible.org/seriespage/actions-speak-louder-words
(accessed September 27, 2012).
[iii] McNamara, Melissa.
"Verbal Vs. Non Verbal Communication." The Limitless Potential of
You.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/155658-verbal-vs-non-verbal-communication/#ixzz27gvU8oBr
(accessed September 27, 2012).
[iv] Strauss, Richard L.
"Actions Speak Louder Than Words." World's Largest Online Resource
for Biblical Material. http://bible.org/seriespage/actions-speak-louder-words
(accessed September 27, 2012).
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