With A Little Help From My Friends

“I have divided you into groups...”

Throughout my academic experience I cringed when teachers said this. I did not like group projects. I questioned why I needed to complete a task with others when I felt more than capable of successfully completing the task on my own. Group projects always went the same. In the early years I would volunteer right away to take the lead because I did not trust the leadership of my peers. As I got older I tried to practice “giving others a chance”. The group would sit in awkward silence, waiting for someone to volunteer. Then I would pretend to selflessly volunteer, inwardly rejoicing I did not have to leave it up to someone else.

I was the leader a lot. Adults recognized my leadership as a positive quality. I possessed the quality of leadership, but my leadership was far from positive. I led like a dictator, rarely asking for the input of my “subordinates” and ignoring them when they spoke up. Rarely delegating, I put all the weight of our success on my shoulders because I expected others to be incompetent and irresponsible people who would fail. I saw outspoken and skilled peers as a threat to my role as the leader. Any group project I was a part of got a good grade, but looking back I know that if I was graded on teamwork or interpersonal interactions the grades would have been significantly different.

I had the privilege of being on a three person team during my first year in Denver. I was not the main leader. I was the newbie and the youngster and yet I was treated with the utmost respect and dignity. Jason and Juan modeled for me team leadership. They sought my opinion and gave me the freedom to speak boldly. They led out of their strengths and encouraged me to do the same. In areas where I was weak they were strong, and in areas where they were weak they would delegate to me. For the first time I enjoyed being on a team. I knew my place and I was confident in the intention and work of my teammates. The transformation started.

We worked together for a year to launch the fellowship and the launch date was approaching. As I heard Jason and Juan talk excitedly about the skills of certain incoming fellows, my old tendencies and fears started to creep up. I was comfortable with our team of three and I didn’t want to lose it. I deeply feared being replaced.

My cohort arrived and for the first couple of months it was not that bad. Our team of nine was excited to be starting the fellowship and we enjoyed each others company. Like a newlywed couple we went through a honeymoon period but like all honeymoons it eventually came to an end. Our next stage was marked with unmet expectations, fear, doubt, judgment, criticism, hurt feelings and bitterness. Ten months in we were operating mainly as nine individuals instead of a team. We were a mess and we all knew it. The ‘gun’ was to our head and we had to choose between continued dysfunction and the hope of a unified team. In the grace of God, we chose hope. Over the next few months we spent over ten hours behind closed doors fighting for the hope that we could be transformed into a unified team.

A part of me knew that the workplace would be more enjoyable and that the mission would flourish more if we operated as a healthy team; however, it took hours to convince me that our unity was a necessity in my life. In one of the first meetings I boldly confessed “I don’t need this team and I don’t know that I want it.” My ‘dukes were up’ and my heart was hardened. I felt like I was doing great as an individual because I was responsible and doing what was expected me. I did not need a team to do that.

One of the core issues that surfaced in these conversations was a lack of trust. The “feelers” or “people-oriented” team members did not trust that the “doers” and “task focused” people desired relationship with them, and if we did we did not do a good job of showing it. On the other hand, we “doers” and “task-focused” people did not trust that the “feelers” were dependable to get the job done. The bottom line was we did not trust each other. We were suspicious of one another's priorities, especially as it related to time. Revealing the core issue of trust was pivotal for me as well as my teammates.

Slowly but surely transformation began to take place as we spoke our feelings and let all the ugly hang out. We did not rush to tie a pretty bow on the situation. We examined the ugly and came to the collective decision that things needed to change.

I do not remember all the details of how God transformed us but He did it! By the end of the summer we genuinely enjoyed one another’s company. We appreciated the ways we each were contributing to the mission. On the fall retreat we gave ourselves the name “Alpha team,” taking pride in our position as the first cohort of fellows. We joined together in friendly competition and beat the Beta team (2nd cohort) in the Fellowship Olympics.

Beyond the fun and games of that weekend, God gave me an overwhelming love for my team. Part of the agenda was for Alpha team to wash the feet of our leaders and Beta team. As I was washing their feet, an image of Christ washing the feet of His team, the disciples, popped in my head. Immediately I started to weep because I was literally doing something that Christ had done thousands of years before. I washed one foot after another and I couldn’t stop. After I finished with leaders and Beta, I wept at the feet of my teammates begging to wash their feet too. Washing their feet and praying for them through my tears was humbling and it caused a rush of love into my heart for them that had been missing.

That retreat was six months ago. Time has come and gone. Struggles and victories have occurred. We have lost teammates. Through it all God is continually transforming Alpha. I am no longer a lone wolf. I have bought into the team and confessed more than once how much I need them. I am confident in the role I play in the mission and I now trust the heart intention of my teammates, knowing that God is using them to play their role.

If someone came into the fellowship now and said “I have divided you into groups,” my heart would not need to fret. If I am going to be on a team I want to be on a team with these people.