I was six years old
when Jesus saved me. Jeff and I sat at the blue plastic picnic table as he
shared the Gospel with me through John 3:16, “For God so loved the world
that He gave His one and only Son, so that whoever believed in Him may not
perish but have eternal life.” The truth of God’s love grabbed a hold of my
heart. With great joy and anticipation, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and
to be my best friend. My life forever changed in that moment! The hole that had
been carved in my heart through my own depravity and the sins of those around
me was filled to the brim! I had purpose. I had a reason to live. Jesus loved
me!
Fast forward 18 years
to now. I am 24, sitting on my couch reading and journaling through my favorite
passage in Scripture and the passage I have read more than any other; Romans 8.
As I read, tears stain my cheeks because God’s love is grabbing a hold of my
heart once again.
Pause for some context. In those 18 years leading
up to now, a lot has occurred. A sanctifying journey of sin, confession,
forgiveness, repentance, trials and tribulation has brought me up to this
moment. Somewhere along this journey parts of my heart had numbed and hardened.
The wickedness and shame of my sin entangled and deceived me in such a way that
I believed many lies. I believed the lie that I was no longer capable of
pleasing God. I believed that He would not want to use me in ministry. I
believed that I had lost the purposeful life I had found in Christ.
These lies hardened my
heart like stone; however, God graciously chipped away at my hard heart with
truth. The truth is that God is changeless. In times of great despair and
uncertainty, God’s changelessness has rooted me. Everyone, everything and even
myself might change, but He remains forever the same. Another truth
is that I cannot disqualify myself from Christianity. In Romans 8:29-30
declares that everyone that God foreknew He has predestined to become like
Jesus. God will glorify or completely sanctify every believer that He has
called. This truth has kept me seeking the Kingdom, when I felt like running
away because of my sin.
Knowing God’s
changelessness and my inability to disqualify myself are important; however, I
still did not believe one vital truth; the truth that God’s love for me is also
unchanging.
Un-pause. Tears stream down my face as I let the truth
of Romans 8:38-39 blast away the stone on my heart.
For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor
rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor
depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the
love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
I believed in God’s
changeless nature and in His promise to sanctify me; however, I have believed
the lie that because of my sin and failures His love for me had greatly
decreased. My heart rejoices as I accept that His love never ever changed or
diminished! God is still my loving Father. Jesus is still the intimate friend
that I gave my heart to when I was six. Because of Jesus’ righteousness given
to me in salvation, God still sees me as clean, beautiful and pure. He
still has plans to use my life for His glory. Despite all the times I have felt
abandoned and replaced by people, God has never even considered abandoning or
replacing me. Yesterday, today and always, I am His
and He is mine. I have never been or never will be separated from the love of
God. What glorious truth to my weary soul! I have reason to live. Jesus loves
me!
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